And what was I saying? (This post is about nothing. Like literally nothing productive about this)

    Okay so I really was digging the blogging thing. Then I wasn't. Then I was and I was ready to get back at it. Then my cat did something adorable, and it had to instagramed. RIGHT THEN. Trust me if you've seen my instagram my cats are pretty fucking adorable (instagram @ryrymae) Then I was over it again. So it sat. And now I am back into it again. Heck yes 3 readers! I am here to share more random bolton-loving nuggets of joy and hilarity!

This is the kind of passion I need to find when trying to remember to update my blog. 

All Bolton photos aside, there has been some pretty neat stuff in the extended blog break I've been living. I have been fighting a pretty serious case of homesick lately which I am pretty sure is directly related to the fact that the people in California are pretty much bat shit insane. Not that it's a bad thing, some of my nearest and dearest are one production deal away from being on the next "Real housewives of (Insert city here)" Over all I think a large part of my recent reclusiveness is a realization that I am not a huge fan of how people handle stressful situations and my natural instinct is to then shut down and avoid the whole thing.This is probably totally unhealthy and will require therapy at some point, but since it seems healthier then my usual lose-my-shit-and-get-all-crazy-white-girl we will call it progress.

But I haven't lost it yet. HIGH FIVE! 

So I've been pretty hermity, and that's okay. Except when it's not. Which is where shit always gets jumbled. Life has a lot of expectations in general, and at the moment I am not super feeling the expectations of all the people in my life. I really do want to be the best friend, girlfriend, coworker, family member I can be. But holy hell relationships are a lot of work! Which is cool, if you want to be a part of someones life you need to make the effort to show you care.  I realized there are people who probably think I am a self centered person because I don't meet their expectation of what I should be putting into our relationship. So how do you nicely explain you are giving what you can? And what if what you can give isn't enough? GAH! Then I think I just want to live in a cave with my cats because really all these people just want and need stuff. 

Yep. That's about right

Obviously I actually really like people, I am more trying to figure out how to manage their feelings towards me. Then being able to not let it effect my over all being. I'm pretty sure that going the route of 21-year-old me is not going to work, as telling people to piss off when you don't like what they have to say can really only work for so long. So the new goal is to try and be loving and aware of peoples feelings but realize their issues are THEIRS and not mine. I can continue to live my pretty awesome life and the people who get it and love me for it will be around. It also means I get to choose what people contribute and how. Basically I have found the loop hole to be like "yeah I pretty much slack off on showing up 80% of the time, but when I do PARTY ON!" And my friends will still love me for it. 

Amen, random pinterest quote

So again this whole rant and rave isn't really about anything in particular. Except to remind myself and itty bitty audience that it's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to outgrow people you care about. you don't have to be a dick about it. (Unless they hate the Bolton) You can stand your ground and cultivate the relationships that are the most beneficial to you. Don't let peoples baggage weight you down, I have a purse that is filled with enough crap to do that already. Take time to laugh. Take time to think about who you want around and why. Take time to realize you change and grow and not everyone will come with you on that path. Most importantly remember to give what you can to the people that matter. True friends will never ask for anything more. 

~Til next time :) 

Hanging out with my high school self

So this weekend an awesome friend (as I have said before my friends are the best of the best) invited me on a lady date to go see the Backstreet Boys. Now more then a few people that I told had one of three things to say:

"They still tour?"

"Really? The Backstreet Boys? Ick. No way"

and Honey wins with:

"Yeah, no"

All naysayers aside I can tell you that I have a already seen the Backstreet Boys, and N sync,  and 98 Degrees. More then once. My bedroom was a shrine to these guys back in the day, and my first car had all their CDs on repeat. So the tiny 15 year old in me was pretty excited when I was invited to this show. Friends I am just gonna put it out there, there is NOTHING that will make you feel old quick then seeing you favorite boy band from high school 15 years later. However, it does make you think about all the things you have learned in your time in becoming an older individual. I refrain from using the word adult as in the last week the following things have actually happened: I've laughed until I snorted from a "that's what she said", I squealed and rocked out a BSB concert, and honey and I had a pretty intense nerf gun war. (Fun fact immaturity is even more fun when both people in the relationship do it!)

So here's my cliche "things I would tell younger me if I could, even though younger me would probably not listen as younger me's judgement included teased Kelly Kapowski bangs" post:

1. What you are attracted to will change (FOR THE BETTER!)

High School Crush: 

Riiiiight. I'm embarrassed for him. 

"Adult" Crush: 

Those eyes say "I have a 401K, and ALWAYS put 20% of my income into savings"

Swoon! 

2. You will become uncool, and realize you are not as cool now as you think you are.  I am pretty lucky in that I happen to have the best people ever in my life in several capacities. Friends, clients, neighbors etc. Getting older has been the only way these relationships have cultivated and but it has also meant accepting what is. I find myself saying the things the grown ups would say that I hated. I worry about things I still feel like someone else should be concerned about ("Do I need better health insurance? Maybe this weekend I should see if I can get my car insurance cheaper through a new company") Here's the kicker about being old: IT'S A LOT OF WORK! But it also comes with a lot of perks. Unlike high school me, this lady was able to go to a BSB show and enjoy a nice cocktail. Would have I enjoyed it more if the waitress insisted on seeing my ID? Well obviously. But there is a point where being liberated of feeling so anxious and concerned with how cool or popular you are can only be described as the first moment you slip into your favorite yoga pants and know you don't have to leave the house. 

3. Laugh. This is something I preach about pretty often because the honest truth about life, to me, is that it comes with a lot of really shitty, hard, how am I going to survive moments. Your heart will get broken. There will be death and drama and controversy and work stress and money stress and body image stress. The world has a lot of really awesome people in it, but the fact is there is also a lot of assholes out there. Being able to laugh at them or the situation at hand is really the best thing ever. It is so nice to know you can smile even when it feels like your whole world is gonna end. Added bonus, most assholes HATE it when people laugh. So theres that. 

That's what she said (Okay not funny, but you know what I mean) 

4.  Learn to spend wisely. I may or may not have a slight addiction to designer purses. And going out to dinner. And taking trips. And wine. But I am very frugal about how I do all those things because if I want to keep doing them the money has to come from somewhere. Don't deprive yourself but maybe get your Michael Kors at the outlet? 

This may or may not be based on a true story I starred in 

5. Go to the gym: Trust me on this one. You will never love it. But you will appreciate the advantage if you start now instead of waiting until your 28 and hide your chin roll with your large collection of hipster scarfs. 

6. Make your own advice. Don't listen to some crazy cat lady with a blog. I have no fucking idea what I am doing. Do what makes you happy. As long as it isn't at the cost of someone else. Listen to boy bands, drink wine, buy a bow tie for your cat, start a blog that all 2 people who love you know matter what will read. 

My love hate relationship with social media

It seems ironic that I would post a rant about social media on my blog (Confession: I had to look up "ironic" to make sure it actually is ironic.) Also I am going to resist the urge to like that Alanis Morissette song below this sentence so you're welcome internet. 

I should probably start by say I LOVE Facebook. And pinterest. And instagram. I have a twitter but I am not cool with being limited to 140 characters so I don't even bother. I think social media can keep people in touch, link us to articles and things we may have never seen before, and let us share happy news quickly and painlessly. There is also the fact that I am totally a cat lady and love all the kitties my friends post on my wall. But I also have days of scrolling my feed where I am like "Seriously WTF people."

I think we all have those friends and family members that post things or comment on things where they are not wanted. The best is when people get all pissy and offended when they are just as bad as those "offending" them. So I'm just gonna put my bullshit front and center: I take too many pictures of my cats. I laugh every time someone posts a shirtless picture of Michael Bolton on my wall. I rarely post my religious/political/personal beliefs because people can be vicious and cruel, and I don't want to hear that shit. 

Lately it seems like more and more people feel the need to shove their beliefs down everyone else's throats. Normally I keep scrolling and mind my business, because the way I look at it is if I wanna post Michael Bolton shirtless on my wall why can't you post things I find ignorant/not true on your wall. We are in 'Merica after all and free speech is a gift I am grateful for. What I am not cool with is the select few who feel the need to bully others and tell others how wrong they are. Women I respect and admire are telling me people feel the need to call them out on their beliefs. Not cool internet world, not cool. If you don't like something someone is saying, move along. If they say something directed towards you, then yes by all means, engage. Or be a fucking grown up state why you think it's not okay and get the fuck over it. 

When a friends 17th cousin 4 times removed decided to post that she HATED something I posted on MY friends wall I was ready to rip into her for being an asshole but I took a second and stopped. It was so much easier to be like "hey I didn't post this for you sorry if it offended you (even tho I don't know you), but you butting into my business offended me." I like to think of it as the grown up way of telling someone to fuck off. The beauty of the day we live in is that people of all walks of life can be friends and it's OKAY! You don't have to sit with just "your people" anymore. Actually scratch that. I have "my people" and they are smart, beautiful, funny, caring individuals who come from every race/faith/political party known to man and I will sit with them any day. 

Many times when people ask me what my beliefs are and why I'm not all up in everyones junk with it, I struggle to answer. Maybe the simplest answer is that I don't feel like dealing with the debates? I would rather not hear that I am "Wrong" when it's something I believe in and think is right? But the honest truth is this: Beliefs change. People grow up. Things I thought were true 10 years ago and would have argued until I was blue in the face about I don't think any more. So yes I have beliefs and opinions. No I don't need to debate them with virtual people I may or may not give a shit about. (Unless it's football season then prepare to be overloaded with Broncos posts) It all comes down to a simple fact, the people who I care about know me, both virtually and in real life. They know who I am, where I am, and that I am wiling to talk about most things even if it's a topic we don't agree on. I also know that these people are super awesome and are capable and okay with conversations that conclude with "hey we may not agree but we still like each other and that's enough" 

So please internet world be kind to each other, sometimes not saying anything is more powerful then any words can be. It is okay to look away unless someone is doing something that may harm themselves or others. I will be honest I find myself cracking up as I am writing this, because by nature i am a smart ass. I tend to be a rough say what I want kind of person. I spent many years thinking it was okay to say whatever the hell I wanted because I had friends and didn't need to give a care to what others thought. And while I am sitting here preaching internet kindness I should come clean. I am not a nice person all the time. I do say mean things that aren't productive to a more loving society. So I am no asking for some dramatic change in the world I am asking people to realize when and where it is okay to say these things.  I am also reminding myself that sometimes there is a less brazen approach then being like "hey fuck you" 

I guess I am really no better then the people I am whining about :)