Patience and Kindness are not my usual go to reactions.

Okay so life has pretty much bull dozed me lately. Work, school, social life. It's all been a lot. I find myself under self imposed pressure to be the best friend, student, girlfriends, boss, etc. But you cannot always make everyone happy. So we have come to the oh-so-fun part of life, unhappy people. At first I found myself getting really annoyed and frustrated with people telling me what's wrong with me. "You've changed since you started dating honey" "All you do is work and school and the gym" "I am so offended you went and did this <insert random activity said person would not have enjoyed> without me!" I am just gonna be really honest right about now. I work a lot. Like when I am not at work I am worrying work is gonna call me. But you know what I love love love what I do. I love my patients, I love my clients. I love my coworkers like family. I know it is time consuming. I know I blow off plans, don't return phone calls, or come visit because I am usually distracted.

I am sorry that work, school, and the gym have consumed my life. I really am. But I am trying really hard to make better choices in my life and when people get all whiny about it I am pretty sure my reaction has become

Not the most mature reaction but hey I am only human

I guess we all hit that point where we realize people we love are never going to encourage positive change. They are not going to be happy about the things in your life that are making them happy. There's probably a million reasons why this is, to be honest none of them make it suck less. I have amazing people in my life, and 98% of them are super encouraging and supportive. The other 2% don't seem to get where I am going with my 30s. So this months lesson is in patience and acceptance of people not approving of taking care of yourself. It is not easy as kindness and patience to people being douchey in not my strong suit. So I am reminding myself that every single person has struggles, and issues. They all have their world and what works for them. 

At least Alice gets it

So in the end this is a work in progress. Realistically I am just ranting, because it's easier then telling people I care about I feel like they are being assholes. 

Another Wild and Crazy Saturday Night

Remember when you were younger and you would think of all the fun, exciting things you would do on a Saturday night when you were old enough to do what ever the hell you want? Can someone explain to me when doing whatever the hell you want turned into watching old TV shows on netflix and munching on Chinese food? Lately I have been looking for the good things about being 30. Overall there are a lot of really great things about this stage of my life. Then there are the moments where I remember all that I thought I was gonna do when I was a "grown up" and start to wonder if I am failing at this whole "Adult" phase of life. I will be honest; 30 with three cats, a few terribly failed relationships, and being totally okay with staying home most weekends is not what 21 year old me had planned for. But if I had to explain to my younger, thinner, more energetic self why I am okay with where I am now there are a few things that seem very important.

So far my favorite part of being "mature" is knowing when it's okay to just say whatever the hell you want. Obviously you can't do this all the time, but in the right space, with the right friends, it's a-okay to let the thoughts that may make you appear mentally unstable, but shit sometimes mental instability

 super fun. 

The things you swear you hate will not bother you nearly as much as you thought it would. The things you thought you would never give a crap about are suddenly important. 401K? Yep all about maximizing my gains. Eating better? Well okay, I love paying twice as much for something because its free range organic. J. Crew, Gap? Yep, like half my closet. 

30 also comes with people in your life who make it all better. The besties who have become sisters, who were crazy with you at 20,  held you at 25 when your heart was really broken, and are proud of you at 30 despite the scars. The characters who are from a million different beliefs but make up a super awesome collection of randomly random adventures. They encourage your knitting habit, tease you for your love of cats. Enable your coffee and wine habits. There won't be a million friends, just a few that are one in a million. 

So here is my main point. 10 years ago I had a plan. Today I have a plan. Those plans are so different from each other it's like night and day. Maybe it's time to ditch the plan and see what the next 10 years has in store? 

Another whiny post about some chick who turned 30

30. It finally happened. I am officially out of my 20's. I want to fill these paragraphs with tales of how I am so bad ass that I just eased into 30 full of grace and dignity. Okay if you have met me you know grace is something I have never had, and dignity okay well I would like to say in general I am a pretty awesome human being. But no I did not look at turning 30 as just another birthday that I could be all "whatever" about. Now that its been a few months into 30 I am looking back thinking "why the fuck was I so worried about this?" But I was and it's my blog so I get to whine about how it seemed so awful at the time. When you're writing your blog you can blah blah blah about how wonderful this next stage of life is. I'm sure we're all glad to see that my maturity has stayed in tact as I age.

Turning 30 was in no way as awful as the thought of turning 30. Why is this? I'm sure there is some annoying "well society and Hollywood put pressure on women" argument I am supposed to insert here. Well folks I am 30 and old now so I am too lazy to google that annoying pretend feminist bull crap. So just pretend I put a fluff piece about how I am robbed of enjoying my thirties because society wants me to be 25 eternally.

Protesting. Like a boss. 

I think the first mature 30ish thing I did was realize 30 isn't a punishment or a dirty word. 30 is an achievement! My 20's have a lot of fun filled times. They also have a lot of shitty WTF times that I am glad are over. So from here on out 30 is gonna be an accomplishment, that I made it through all the good and bad times and can still laugh about most things. However 30 is not going to be a year where I preach self love and all the drastic changes I am going to make. Yeah I'd like to stop cursing so much (Probably not gonna fucking happen), maybe go to the gym more (sorry I am still behind on "Game of Thrones"), learn to cook (HAHAHAHAHAHA),  and actually make one of the 75242909 projects I pin on pinterest. I am really going to try and become the person I want to be, but having been around the person I am for the last 30 years I know better then to make false promises. 

I also know that a very big part of the reason I am the bad-ass person I think I am today is because of the amazing tribe of friends and family I have gathered all these years. So if it took 30 years to know I have the raddest people ever in my life I am a-okay seeing what's next. The worst part of all this sudden self realization is that all of my sisters in the 30 club told me this? All along everyone said 30 was great. As hard as is it is for me to admit they were right. Being 30 is being allowed to be the most awesome version of yourself. I've also already learned to use my new found "seniority" to justify my ridiculous antics. 

For example: When making my normal cup of 5/8 coffee 3/8 cream and sugar the comment was made "wow thats a lot of cream and sugar." Normally I would try and explain why I like sweet coffee, I gave up lattes, its splenda and sugar free creamer, etc etc. Now I get to look whoever isn't minding there own damn business and say. "You know what? I am 30 fucking years old and can drink my coffee however the fuck I want" 

And that single reader of my blog is the best gift of all.